Breaking News, CBS, Comedy, Late-Night TV, Lockdown, Politics, President BIden, Stephen Colbert, Television, The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, vaccination

Stephen Colbert Celebrates NYC’s Return To In-Person Schooling & President Biden’s Push For Federal Vaccine Mandates

There was much cause for celebration on Monday’s episode of The Late Show, following New York City’s return to in-person schooling.

“It’s an exciting day here,” said host Stephen Colbert. “For the first time in 18 months, kids can enjoy class without seeing their friends’ dads wandering behind them in boxers—if they’re lucky.”

Naturally, Colbert noted, there were “some hiccups” on the first day of class.

“The online health screenings that families are required to fill out each morning had crashed by about 8 a.m., so some educators were forced to complete their own screenings of how each child was feeling that morning,” he shared. “‘Okay class, so I’ve read your health forms. I see that many of you are suffering from ‘butt fever,’ ‘butt ache’ and ‘shortness of butt.’ Put a mask over your butt and come on in.’”

Of course, children aren’t the only ones to susceptible to Covid-19. The good news in this respect, from Colbert’s perspective, is that President Biden has issued “a plan” requiring private sector businesses with upwards of 100 employees to mandate vaccines or weekly testing.

Watch on Deadline

“That’s great, okay? You want that sense of security,” said Colbert. “When you go into a Starbucks, you should feel safe, until you see the bathroom. ‘Are those, are those teeth?’”

Inevitably, he continued, “the safety measures enraged the lunatic fringe of anti-vaxxers, otherwise known as Republican governors.” Mississippi Governor Tate Reeves, for one, who recently tweeted, “This is still America, and we still believe in freedom from tyrants.”

“Yes, refusing medical treatment is part of a proud American tradition,” deadpanned Colbert. “Who could forget the immortal words of Patrick Henry, ‘Give me rubella and give me death. Because I want to die from rubella’?”

Check out Colbert’s entire opening monologue above.

Products You May Like

Articles You May Like

House of the Dragon: Rhaenyra & Daemon Are Finally Together & We Don’t Know How to Feel About It
Every Marvel Phase 4 Trailer: From Black Widow to Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
‘Leopoldstadt’, ‘The Piano Lesson’ Lead Broadway Newcomers At Box Office; ‘Funny Girl’, ‘Phantom Of The Opera’ Major Draws
Banijay Set To Acquire ‘Mythbusters’ Firm Beyond International
Amazon Shoppers Swear by These Hair Products to Simplify Their Morning Routine

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.